Observations
by innocent-rebel
Summary: He doesn't think his brother's coming back. And he tries to convince himself he doesn't care. But even the night watcher, can't hide everything in shadows. Please R&R no flames SPOILERS for movie and comic. NOT KIDDING! BIG ONES!


Disclaimer: I do not own the TMNT.

AN: I haven't written or updated anything story wise in what feels like so long. I have all these ideas that eat me but getting them out is a whole other story. It's weird, but point is I'm writing again, and I couldn't be happier. First person isn't my usual strenght but for this one, it just seemed to flow better, so yeah. There really isn't much to say. I'm behind on a lot of stuff and feeling swamped. But I'm getting better, so yeah. I guess that's about it. Please enojoy, for that is why we write...

Warnings: Spoilers for the movie and for the prequel comic. The comic only one real spoiler, but it's kinda big. It's an awesome movie!

Timeline: Before the movie takes place.

Raph's POV

I sighed a little, rolling back on my heels and craning my neck again to try and catch a better glance at the street below. It was still quiet. It was two in the morin' and it was still quiet.

Dangit!

No action tonight, even the police scanner wasn't picking anything up! No punks, no thugs, no nothin' just sittin' around on my butt and waitin' for somethin' to happen. Sadly this isn't that different from what I've done the past few nights. Crime just seems quiet at the moment. Heh, unlike Leo I thought I could at least count on criminals to be around. Guess I was wrong. I seem to be wrong on a lot things lately.

Not that that's different either…I guess nothing really is….and yet at the same time everything is…

Craning my neck again, upwards this time I can see the moons out and it's glowin' brighter than I've seen in a long time. Usually there's so much fog and smog not even a few random stars are visible. Looks like tonight's different though.

It's not the only thing.

Ever since my brother, Leonardo, left, everything's been different. Don's been doin' his whole tech help deal, Mikey's been...well party animal just took on a whole new meaning. Whether or not he enjoys it however is another thing entirely. Last night when I got in I heard him mumbling something in his sleep about birthday parties and fighting off five year olds.

Well one thing's for sure: I ain't ever havin' kids.

Too much trouble. I'm the living example of that.

Sometimes I wonder why Splinter hasn't ever just thrown up his hands, tossed me out…or at least just given up. Then again I always answer that question before I get to think much on what it would be like if he did. It's because he loves us. We're not genetically his kids, but he loves us like we were…

And all I ever seem to do with that love is chuck it right back at him, go off and do my own thing.

Letting out a brief sigh, I settle back more, I want action. But I doubt there's gonna be any tonight. Everything just seems so quiet! I was raised in the shadows…but I still hate the quiet.

Not like Leo. He loved the quiet, spent so many hours meditatin' I thought he'd go insane from how quiet it was! He never did though…instead it made him better, stronger…and…why am I thinkin' about him?

Shaking my head, I set my face in stone glare, shooting it towards the moon's rays as if they were the source of my problems. I know they're not. But it feels good to glare at something. It feels good to be angry, just to let out some frustration, even if it's in such a small way.

I don't want to think about Leo! I've thought about him enough when he left, then when he'd write, and then I thought about him when he stopped writing all together…I guess I set myself up for the fact he was never coming home.

Not that I care anymore. I stopped caring a long time ago. But hey, he stopped carin' about us, so fairs fair.

_An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, Raph._

I snarl inside my helmet. He might be gone, but I can still hear him inside my head! When I'm about to do something stupid I hear him! When I get hurt I hear him! Even when I'm just by myself I hear him!

And I wish I could stop. He's gone now, he's not coming back because if he was he'd at least let us know it. Give us hints or somethin'!

I mean, doesn't he know what he's doin' to us? Makin' us play this guessin' game of is he alive, is he not? Is he stayin' gone or is he gonna come home soon. I just don't know anymore. I don't know what he's thinkin' but whatever it is I doubt it's about how his absence has really hit us all hard.

Don's absorbed in work, he still trains, but not as much as he needs to. Our 'glory days' as he put it, might be over for him. But fighting will never be over. People will always hate us, they will always hunt us, hurt us if they can find us and unless we can protect ourselves we'll just drop into legend.

I don't want that! I don't want it to be alright for no one to know we were ever here…but it will be. I know it, I can't fight it. But I can fight to make the legend deeper. Maybe put a scare in all these punks, so they know someone's gonna get em'! If not me than someone.

Faintly below I can hear sounds and instantly turn my heads towards it

…it's nothing Again. Just a car going at a normal speed, no cops, no punks, nothin'. I wait for a minute holding out for the police scanner just to make sure. Usually cars are reported stolen immediately if possible.

Only silence.

Shaking my head I remove my helmet and rub between my eyes. Startin' to get a headache again. I get those sometimes…Mikey would say it's from thinkin' to much. Heh, this from the turtle who was convinced it'd be a good idea to start a kids party business. Yeah right.

Still though, as annoying as he can be and as outrageous as his ideas are…I wouldn't trade that kid for the world. Or being accepted by it.

At least he doesn't think my night watcher thing is bad, Don's on my case about how I shouldn't look up to this guy. If only you knew Don, if only you knew. Recently he started gettin' on Mikey's case as well. Found some sort of scrapbook with news clippin's in it. Even some of his own illustrations.

That's another thing Leo wasn't around to see. Ever since he left Mikey's gotten into his art. Not just what he used to do, I mean big things! Sometimes I half expect to walk into a room and find a mural of some kind on the wall. He does it in my room however and I'll use his tongue to scrub it off!

Even thinkin' about my lil bro I can't stop the smile from my face, then it turns to a frown. Leo wasn't there to see his art…and he wasn't there to see how much his going away hurt him. There were nights…there are still nights. When Mikey gets so lonely for Leo, he goes into his room and sleeps on the floor. He won't sleep on Leo's bed. Doesn't want to mess anything up…

The last time this happened though it was a cold night and a cold night, plus a stone floor and a cold blooded turtle, don't go together very well. He was sick for about a week after that. Had to cancel all of his gigs.

Probably that was the one time me and Don got along for more than a few hours when we were takin' care of him. I handled customers instead of my brother. Don…well he's not a pacifist. But he wouldn't be as direct.

Me on the other hand. I explained the situation and if they made a fuss about it, I shot one right back at em'. I'm not scared of humans! Cept' April. But she could scare anyone really. Girl's actin' like a mix of a sister and mother lately. And both when angry can be…well even as the night watcher I wouldn't go toe to toe with April.

Hehheh. Neither would Casey. Poor guy, wonder if they'll finally settle down soon? April's pushin' for it. But I don't know about Casey. He seems scared of it. April doesn't get why…but I think I do. I think he's scared because he knows he couldn't give up this vigilante deal. It's a part of him. Just like it's a part of me. And if his real identity ever got out to the scum out there, you can bet they'd go for April first then go after Casey. Its old school, but it works.

I don't know, it could be something else to. Maybe he just doesn't want to grow up like that yet. Maybe he's just not ready…maybe. But maybe not…maybe I'm just to over observant. Or brooding as Leo would say.

Leo told me before he left, the reason he got chosen to go instead of me was because I was brooding all the time, not training. Heh, if it was as easy for me as it was for him to forget then I might have trained more. But instead of practicing katas until they're perfect, I prefer to go out and use what I know to help others who don't. I know he wouldn't like what I'm doin' and maybe part of it, part of why I keep doin' it, is deep down I want to defy him! He's not here and I still want to defy him….maybe I'm really hopin' he'll just come back and lecture me about it.

Sometimes I really hate that guy…but it's not a hate like I hate other things. It's more…its more anger masked I guess, takin' on the form of hate but it's really not. I don't even know if that made sense, maybe I'm just tired. I usually get in around four or five and then sleep the rest of the day.

Splinter hasn't been on me for that, but Don has.

Man, I wonder when we started to fight so much? Before it was just me and Leo. He was lecturing, I was brooding…but I had my reasons. I've been out plenty of times to see there's more to life than learning ninjistu. There's usin' it. People out there…man, they don't get it. It's not like each race is any less human than another or any person is. And yet they always act that way, as if it's their job to play God with who lives and dies. Who gets to go home and see their family and who gets shot down. I saw this, night after night, I saw this…and always seemed to be too late to do much about it. I could call an ambulance, or try and stop the attack, but by the time I was let out of sight…it was over.

Actually that's how I became the night watcher. I wasn't fast enough, looked towards seein' Leo off to much instead of lookin' behind me until it was to late and the one person besides Casey who might have understood where I was comin' from, was killed. I made him a promise though. It was the last thing he understood. And I'm bent on keepin' it. I don't run away like Leo did.

If I run it's into trouble not from it! Leo…heh, yeah right, bet there's lots of trouble where he's at. Most likely the only thing he has to worry about is detection.

Maybe that's why Don and I started fighting. When it came to personality he and Leo always seemed to be somewhat closer. Others said me and Leo had a closer personality but with my temper and his smug attitude I doubt it. And anyone who says it won't be talking until their jaw heals. I'm not like Leo! I'm nothing like him! I tried to be once, be as good as him to be accepted…only to find I was screamin' on the inside. I just can't be that person. I can't be this…thing that apparently I have to be. I just can't…I tried and failed. Big news. So I went back to who I was…now if only I could figure that out.

Maybe I could ask Don on that one. He seems to know…and here I go again. I just can't get my brothers off my mind. That could explain the headache.

One I miss…though he's never gonna know it.

One I can't figure out why we fight, where it started or how to stop it!

And the last one…he just seems to be one of the only things holdin' this all together.

Point is, I don't think Leo's ever comin' back, but when he left I don't think he understood what he was doin' either. He probably didn't expect us to fight so much, he probably didn't expect Don and Mike to get in what they got into…and I doubt he even let what I do cross his mind. Probably figures we cant get along without him, the smug.

Whatever. We don't need him! We're havin' a rough spot but we are gettin' along just fine without him! And if he cared so much why'd he stop writin? Why'd he stop lettin' us know he was alright…why did he leave…?

It was for trainin'. I know that much…but was trainin' really more important than us? Was it so much more a part of him than his family? He doesn't even write a letter to Splinter…no one else sees it. But I've seen Sensei…his heart's breakin' with not knowin'…I may not be his favorite son, but at least I try. At least I'm loyal. At least everyone can guarantee I'll be back in the morin' no matter how much I want to leave sometimes, just for the sake of leavin'!

By now I'm shaking. Thought's aren't supposed to make you shake. They're just thoughts! But that doesn't change what they can do…

Shaking my head I turn towards a clock located on the building in front of me. It's not the time I usually go in…but this nights too different. It's to quiet…maybe that's another reason I hate the quiet. It makes everything so real…

Pushing myself up, I begin to put my gear in my small bag, once that's done I head back towards a fire escape. No action, but I still feel wiped. Sighing yet again, I realize all I can do is go home, sleep and wait for tomorrow.

And maybe, just maybe tomorrow, we'll get a letter from Leo. I'm angry at him! And despite the feeling of missing him, I don't care anymore! But …it would still be nice.

Just for a letter.

**The End**

A/N: Hoped you liked it. Please let me know.

Be blessed

your friend

innocent-rebel


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